I’ve lost my mind. Honestly, I’m very concerned about my mental health right now. Between having a good experience at the Contemporary, showing up at theme parks at opening, and being farted on for four days – something seems to have happened to my brain. Perhaps it’s just an overdose of pixie dust from Disney overload - I don’t know, but I did something completely STUPID last night, and I’m still wondering what the hell got into me.
Coming back from the cruise I had worked piled up to my eye-balls. We have a lot of things happening behind the scenes right now, and it seems like all of these issues conspired to come together while I was getting massages and doing scar checks for four days (by the way, all stitches have now dissolved, and Scar is considering getting a tattoo – don’t ask me why). Besides work, my house was approaching ‘pig-sty’ status and was in desperate need of cleaning. So, here I am, working with one hand, pushing a mop with the other and the brilliant thought occurs to me to drive to the Downtown Disney marketplace and do some shopping. Mind you, it’s a Saturday night during spring break and week a before Easter. By the standards of most Disney experts, this is called the 9th circle of hell – but a quick shower and a 20 minute drive later – there I was circling the parking lot like space junk in orbit – round and round, leaning out the window asking people “are you leaving?”, in hopes of getting a parking space. Normally, this experience alone would have had me chain smoking and using language usually associated with truck drivers and lesbians named Butch who chew tobacco and moonlight as auto mechanics. 25 MINUTES OF LOOKING FOR A PARKING SPACE – longer than it took to drive there - but I was oddly calm – knowing that EVENTUALLY something would open up.
And EVENTUALLY it did – right in front of Pleasure Island which is all dolled up for St. Patricks Day – so, along with Spring Break, Easter and Saturday night – we can add in the parade of drunks that gravitate to Pleasure Island for St. Patty’s as well. It was about 6pm, but people were already in full swing. Lot’s of ‘spring breakers’ , and more than a few couples that were well past that point in their life, but were still acting like college co-eds. I especially liked the 50 something couple that were sucking face right in front of the outdoor patio at Raglan Road. Each was dressed like they were 20, and making such a spectacle of themselves that the folks who were eating dinner on the patio were laughing and cheering for them. Then she stumbled out of the kiss, clearly having already had too much to drink. You know you’re too drunk when you stumble out of a lip-lock. Amidst the revelers and partiers were a few families with younger children who were walking around looking horrified – wondering what happened to all the family magic they had experienced earlier in the day at the Magic Kingdom. But I was undaunted – and in an inexplicably good mood.
Since PI was not my destination, I worked my way thru the masses over to the Marketplace. Throngs of people from multiple cultures speaking any variety of languages (one of the things I like MOST about Disney is the variety of people and cultures that come here), but it made me think that this is what Ellis Island must have looked like on 1/2 price cruise-to-the-new-world day. People had given up trying to avoid running into one another so that it was more like human bumper cars then a leisurley stroll thru Disney’s shopping district. After 5 minutes of repeatedly saying “excuse me’ and “sorry”, I decided to go with the flow and just started running into people at random. Now, let’s be honest – I live in Orlando, and I can be at the Marketplace pretty much whenever I want – so I’m asking myself “WHAT ARE YOU DOING – HAVE YOU GONE INSANE” – but still – I’m in a good mood as I head into the pit of utter insanity – most of you know it as the World of Disney.
Kids on ‘heelies’, crying babies, Mom’s with armfuls of overpriced souvenirs, Dad’s whose faces seemed to say “if I work three more full time jobs, I might be able to pay for all of this by 2020″ – you know, the usual crowd. I work my way over to the music and books. DIS Radio is in desperate need of some new stuff, and the new studio could use some books for the bookcase. I have this bad habit of bending over at the waist to look at things – as I bent over to check out the CD’s, I realized that the mass of fat between my lower back and upper thighs has now expanded to twice it’s normal size and can likely be seen from space – so I decide to do my battered self image a favor (not to mention the people behind me) and drop to one knee instead to peruse the CD’s. I find a couple of things that look interesting, and head over to pick up a couple of T-Shirts (XXL thank you) – these are less T-Shirts then they are Moo-Moo’s – anything to cover the gut. Still, I’m in a good mood – not sure why – but I am. I gladly part with the $120 I just spent (and pick up the $15 throw that seems to be ubiquitous at Disney these days, and was likely hand sewn by the children of the woman who was cleaning my stateroom three days ago).
From there I work my way over to the Art of Disney store – one of my favorites, so I can stare at $3500 posters wondering if a day will ever come when I’ll spend that kind of money to hang something on my wall. Now I know that something is really wrong with me, because I eye up a few pieces and start thinking “maybe that wouldn’t be so bad” – now I know I’ve completely lost my mind and I run for the door before I can talk myself into a purchase I know I’ll regret.
One more stop at Ghirardelli’s seems in order. I’ll pick up some Easter candy for my niece, and maybe a piece or twelve for myself along with a nice cup of hot chocolate. The line in Ghirardelli’s is out the door – not because people are buying anything but because they’re handing out free samples. I’m wondering if they’ve considered that it might be better to do that OUTSIDE the store, so that those of us who are more interested in purchasing something could actually get in. But, my blood-lust for chocolate knows few limits, and I fight the freebie crowd to pile up about $80 worth of Easter candy. I find myself thinking about a comedy routine I once heard where the comic ponders the connection between Christ rising from the dead and 6 foot rabits who dispense candy in the middle of the night and start laughing out loud like I had completely lost my mind – which by this point was a given.
Yet still, I’m in a good mood as I walk back to my car, fighting even heavier crowds and pass by the developing behemoth that will ultimately become the T-Rex Cafe without uttering a single word about ‘over-priced mediocre food’ under my breath. Yes, I’ve lost my mind – but at least I’m in a good mood.
Category: Disney World